12: The chị and em that aren't

My estrangement isn't a verb

Sharing how my immediate family dys/functions was always going to happen in this space, but my initial thoughts were of telling the story more chronologically. A story? Can I turn estrangement into a story? Or is it just “what happened?”

My ESL students have many, many big and little brothers and sisters. Baby sisters and big brothers who are also in English lessons; baby brothers and big sisters who they are always going on holidays with. It took me a few times hearing about them to remember they’re not all actual sisters and brothers. The kinship pronouns! (Trying to explain what cousins were recently was like trying to teach a third language.) To clarify with them who is just symbolically a chị/anh or em, I now ask if they have the same mom and dad. Then it all works itself out and turns out many, many of my students actually have no siblings.

After recently sharing how I’ve come to love the idea of being a chị or big sister to some younger friends here in Saigon, it seemed appropriate to share my actual chị and em relationship. Or rather, because of estrangement with my real em, my younger brother, I have given up being a real chị.